If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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