I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Someone signed my nipple.
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