WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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