i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
