we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
