I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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