It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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