I want to walk on stilts...naked
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
