and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
