He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
