Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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