I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
