i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just gift wrapped bread.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
