Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
