I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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