I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
