So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
