This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
