I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
