i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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