Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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