If i could tip my vagina, i would.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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