Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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