I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she told me i tasted like america
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
