If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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