C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
