STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
