just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
