I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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