Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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