Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
