so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
