btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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