In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize