dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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