I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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