so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
