I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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