Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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