You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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