did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
