It's Friday. Sex?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You dont lie about slip and slides
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
