Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
