She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize