just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
