You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
