Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize