I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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