I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize