I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
