you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
