i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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