At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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