He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
