it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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