the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
