I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize