I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
