whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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