You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
