Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
