U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
