cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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