piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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