I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
