What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
