We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
