At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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