Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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